PRECARIOUS UNCHARTED WATERS

POSTER DESIGN WITH MARK TWAIN QUOTE FOR MY OFFICE

The quote above is very appropriate to explain my outlook this past year. There have been a lot of exciting changes recently that are, quite honestly, a mixed bag of emotions. Last year, with the release of an Orientation Video I did for work, things really picked up momentum and the projects just kept coming one after another. I now have so much content that it has needed its own internal Sharepoint page. Thus True Value Corsicana Media began and it has mostly had a positive reception. It has grown into something larger than anticipated and for that I am extremely grateful. I have had a lot of support behind the effort, and am humbled. The word appreciative seems so insignificant of a word to express my gratitude. It’s been a bit of a mixed bag though and I guess it is true that when you start to get aligned with your calling in life, the hits will start coming. There’s been some heavy hearted situations on a personal level recently. I am thankful that at in general, I have a great workplace. The mix of being both shockingly disappointed and eternally grateful both at the same time! It’s such a weird place to be in and experience. I won’t go into much detail other than that at this time but I at the end of the day I’m thankful for every kind word and gesture from others, because where I’m sitting which feels like the end of a branch at the very top of a tree, the boost from those acts mean substantially more than ever before. It keeps me going and drives me forward. Because without it, the things that have felt like lead weights placed on me would certainly break the branch I’m balancing so precariously on. This thing has taken on wings and has spread its reach. However, the bigger something becomes the more exposure to misinterpretation and it is also a risk. One which I really hope pays off in the end. That being said, this past week we celebrated the 40th Anniversary and it went fantastically, I don’t think it could have been much better. Below is the video I put together from the event along with the artwork I designed for the 40th anniversary. To say this was time consuming is quite an understatement. This was a long and arduous labor of gratitude that I’m pleased with how it turned out. Overall, I am humbled and grateful for this journey thus far. It helps sustain me as I’m faced with some hard to swallow life changes coming up. But my overall thought process is this: it is not lost on me the realization that this is a very rare circumstance I find myself in. Especially with some of the support that have had come my way that literally leaves me speechless in humility. So I will ride this wave as long as I can and I’ll be thankful for it either way.

40th Anniversary Celebration

Legacy Wall Design for the 40th Anniversary

True Qualities Poster Series (now hanging on display in our Red Room)

THE CROSS

To anyone else this is just your ordinary cross necklace, but to me this is a reminder of my Grandmother. My mom’s mom, Bettye was a gem of a woman who loved her family fiercely and had a special place in her heart for her grandchildren.

Years before she passed away in 2006, she had hers and my grandfather’s wedding bands melted down and made into a few of these crosses specifically for us grandkids.

It was a nice gesture at the time, but I did not fully appreciate it until after she was gone. I don’t really wear any chains or jewelry of any kind, but every time I would pull it out it was a reminder of her love and thoughtfulness.

About 10 years or so ago, the cross went missing. There was a lot of turmoil in my life at the time and after searching high and low I realized it was gone: lost in one of many moves and I had to come to terms with the fact that I would not see it again. I would occasionally search the house looking again but never was able to locate it.

Since then, I have bounced back from some pretty tough situations. However, the past few months I have dealt with issues on an unprecedented scale and to say it’s been a struggle is an understatement. My life has been turned upside down and I’m struggling to come to terms with how things are turning out. One of the things I picked up from my grandmother was her optimism and to keep in mind that there is always a way through anything life throws at you. But it’s been tough. This is pretty hopeless.

My oldest daughter, Julie was unable to come visit for Christmas but we decided that I would drive down in early January to see her. I didn’t really have any money for presents, but I really wanted to get her a record player. She had mentioned it earlier in the year and it’s something I know she would like. I found one and brought it home to wrap. I got down the wrapping paper and decided I’d add some ribbon and a bow (being extra lol). As I was digging through the box, inside one of the bags of ribbon I spotted something shiny. When I pulled it out, there was the cross! Mind you: countless holidays, birthdays, and events had passed over the years with me getting in this box. I’m certain I had even checked it when I was trying to find it. I firmly believe that I was meant to find this at such a time as this.

I was speechless and I just sat on the bed and cried for a bit. During one of the toughest seasons of my life, my grandma was reaching out to tell me she loves me and was sending me a hug in a way. I can’t convey what this simple thing meant. It’s only the second time since her passing that I truly felt her presence. I’ve tried to tell this story a couple times but I can’t even make it through the whole retelling.

Interestingly enough, she had these crosses made for us but she was not a church goer - however over time I’ve realized that she was more spiritually connected than most I’ve known. I think she was put off by the institutional church and understandably so. She didn’t have to sit in a pew because she lived out her faith regularly. As I’ve gotten older I empathize with her even more. I’ve been loved by the church and I’ve been equally burned by the church (institutionally speaking). Biblically, we are each the church and how we treat others in the world around us speaks volumes about the state of our hearts. There are some wonderful gems of people in and outside of the church and then there are some ugly hearts glaring self-righteously from their pew who think that their commandment keeping has earned them some heavenly VIP status. But this wasn’t meant to be a sermon, so I digress.

Thank you mema (as she was called) for loving me even when you aren’t around physically. I hope that I might make at least half as much positive impact on the world around me as you did during your lifetime. You were one of the good ones we lost way too soon. Love you and when I hold this cross I will be giving you a hug back.

good bones

This place could be beautiful, right? You could make this place beautiful.

I first read the poem Good Bones by Maggie Smith a couple years ago and I was instantly intrigued. The precarious tension between all that is good and beautiful in the world and all that is terrible in the world is difficult to reconcile. But it’s where we live - at least most of us anyway. Those in positions of privilege with the ability to do something have a responsibility to at least try. Some do, although many do not. But then this world belongs to them if were being honest. The myth that in America you can be and do anything you want is seldom realized and those who attain the dream usually have to compromise some value along the way to the detriment of others. So I will pass on that. Hard work can get you to a decent living until those in positions of power demand their share. I realize this is a pessimistic view of the world but it’s the truth from where I sit. Optimism is delusion and gets you nowhere, that has unfortunately been burned out of me. One thing I cannot and will not have taken from me is empathy. It’s been a wake up call to realize it’s lacking so much these days. I have been blessed and surprised from kind acts of others. These are the salt of the earth. But beware of those who make blanket statements. This is a way of dismissing the problem so as not to ruin our brunch time. I do think that many people are partly jaded from the overwhelming despair throughout the world. It’s hard to recenter or even know where to begin. But we have to. The alternative is to give up but then at that point what is it all for anyway? The last line of the poem encapsulates the entirety of the message: “This place could be beautiful, right? You could make this place beautiful.” Yes we can. As a wise professor once stated: “Everyone wants to change the world, but no one wants to help mom wash the dishes.” Change is made in our own sphere of influence, one kind act at a time.

santa caught!

We set out a video to try and catch Santa. We caught him alright - I guess he realized we were filming him because he came back. I didn’t realize he was such a show off!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

The Chrysalis

Metamorphosis:  So often anthropomorphized into the symbol of rebirth or renewal in our lives.  While it is true that the caterpillar that shrouds itself in a chrysalis does eventually emerge as a beautiful winged butterfly, for the longest time no one actually knew what happened during that pupate stage.  What changes are occurring inside it to result in such a dramatic transformation?  If you were to interrupt that cycle before it’s complete and cut open a chrysalis, all you would find is a bunch of goo inside.  A biological soup of what was the caterpillar.  Seemingly no order to it whatsoever.  So how does that goo assemble into one of nature’s most beautiful creations? 

Experiments have been conducted on caterpillars where they were forced to associate a certain odor with pain until they were able to observe the odor as something they must avoid.[1]  Everytime the odor was introduced, the caterpillars were given a short, mild shock and would try to get as far away from it as possible.  The time eventually arrived when the caterpillars formed their chrysalis’ and the scientists waited as the natural process ran it’s course.  Once the butterflies emerged from their shrouds, they would re-introduce the odor to see if it remembered.  And in fact, they did – the butterflies quickly identified the odor and flew away from it.  Therefore, while the appearance of the caterpillar had drastically changed into the butterfly, it obviously still retains at least a small part of itself and the life it once knew.  Somewhere contained within that goo, has to be part of the caterpillar that lives on.

It has also been discovered that if you were to slice open a caterpillar prior to the chrysalis stage, you would find parts of what will eventually become the butterfly.  The antennae, the structure for the wings, the legs, and so on.  The caterpillar just keeps these parts held tightly within itself.  The physical process itself is less rebirth and more about transformation. 

All of this presents us with a question:  what part of my future self is within me today already just waiting for the right time to spread it’s proverbial wings and fly?

We all get trapped into a certain way of thinking about ourselves and others.  Characteristics that were observed within us that we can’t escape.  All of us change as years go by and new life experiences teach us more and more about ourselves and the world around us. I am certainly not the same person I was in my teens or my twenties or even my thirties.  “We get stuck within stories about ourselves and who we are that don’t respect the fact that we are capable of change.  One of the kindest things we can do for ourselves is to shake off an old story [narrative] about ourselves, a story that maybe fit us several years ago but doesn’t define us now.” – Mala Gaonkar[2]

There’s a lot of truth in “all old things are passed away and all has become new”.  But instead, we should reframe that into, “what within me today is an area that I want to change or improve about myself?”  You have inside you right now all that you will need to become the person you want to be.  It’s just a process of trying to identify it and develop it.  We should be careful not to stereotype others and to realize that everyone changes over time.  Sometimes life deals you a losing hand, but just like in playing cards the next round is a fresh start and you learn from those tough times exponentially more than you do when things go your way.  Navigating through this labyrinth of life is not all rainbows and butterflies.  The greatest thing we could do for ourselves and for others is to listen and exercise some empathy.  There seems to be a growing lack of it in the world today.  By viewing things only through a black and white lens, you’ll miss all of the shades of gray and vivid colors that are all around you. 

When an artist is painting on a canvas and does not like the progress and wants to start over, he does not throw out the canvas.  Instead, he creates a new painting over the old.  The masterpiece it becomes would not exist were it not for the previous versions underneath it.  Even the scientific principle that “matter can neither be created, nor destroyed; it can only change form” applies here as well.  We are transformed not by destroying all of who we once were.  Rather, we become a masterpiece because of the situations we learned from and developing the characteristics that were always within tucked tightly under the surface waiting for the chrysalis of change to mold us into something truly unique and remarkable.

[1] Radiolab:  Black Box (Originally 2014, Re-released October 21, 2022)

[2] The Theater of David Byrne’s Mind; presented by Radiolab, (released October 7, 2022)

Marvel Youth

Right when Epic was wrapping up, I was asked to direct their youth play which was two Marvel one act plays. Squirrel Girl I had not heard of but she’s got a great attitude and the kids were great – it was very cute. Then we did Hammered: a Thor and Loki play - the cast was talented and they all did a great job! Even my girls were able to be a part and they enjoyed it as well as expanding out of their comfort zones. I’m glad I got to be a part!

Epic Proportions

I’m returning to the theatre this June joining an amazingly talented cast as we present the production: Epic Proportions. This will be my first time performing with the Warehouse Living Arts Center in Corsicana, TX. I’ll be playing the role of Shel, one of the production crew as well as one of the gladiators. Production synopsis from the WLAC website:

EPIC PROPORTIONS is set in the 1930s and tells the story of two brothers, Benny and Phil, who go to the Arizona desert to be extras in the huge Biblical epic Exeunt Omnes (think Ben Hur, 10 Commandments style epics). Things move very quickly in this riotous comedy and before you know it, Phil is directing the movie, and Benny is starring in it. To complicate matters further they both fall in love with Louise, the assistant director in charge of the extras. Along the way there are gladiator battles, the Ten Plagues and a cast of thousands portrayed by a handful of other actors.

Performance dates are:
Evening Shows: June 2, 3, 4, 7, 9, 10, 11 @ 7:30pm
Matinee Show: June 12 @ 2:30pm
Reservations open April 25th for Season Ticket Holders; May 9th for the General Public.

Visit the WLAC website for more information and to reserve your tickets: https://www.thewlac.com/epic-proportions.html

HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE!

UPDATE:

The play was an amazing experience and one I will be repeating often! The performances were great and despite the chaos of life and the struggles we encountered, everyone pulled it off and we made a great show!

Legacy

True greatness does not always resemble the five piece suit in the corner office – rather is found in the selfless acts of love to a friend or neighbor, discovering your purpose and using your god given talents, embracing your true identity and living it out in honesty toward yourself, and the joy of seeing your children:  having observed how you navigated these, have themselves recognized the greatness within them. 

Epistemic Humility

Anyone who knows me knows that I love podcasts.  In fact, I frequently find myself frequently relating conversations to a recently listened to podcast.  A few days ago, I was listening to a podcast where the host was interviewing Megan Phelps-Roper, who was once closely tied to the toxic Westboro Baptist Church.  She is the granddaughter of the late founder, Fred Phelps.  Her story was quite interesting.  While still deeply involved in the church, she became active on twitter on behalf of the institution and it was through people she met online who took the time to hear her out and share their own stories that convinced her she was not where she ought to be.  She eventually found the courage to break free from the church and move away from its negative and oppressive atmosphere.  She now spends her time sharing her story and attempting to make amends with those she once hurt.  A phrase was mentioned in her story that really struck me.  The phrase was epistemic humility.  The word epistemic means relating to knowledge or to the degree of its validation.  Therefore, epistemic humility is having an appreciation for the fact that you don’t know and will never know everything there is to know.  Many of the problems we face today stem from a lack of this understanding.  People are so eager to share their viewpoint, which in their eyes is the only correct viewpoint, without taking the time to listen to others.  Spreading disinformation that makes us feel good just because it aligns with our point of view without researching the facts.  We lack understanding because we don’t take the time to empathize and listen to the experiences of others.  The more that science reveals of the universe, the more mysteries it uncovers, prompting more questions to be answered.  Human beings once thought the sun revolved around the earth.  Then we learned about not only our own solar system but have discovered a plethora of exoplanets circling distant systems among the billions of known stars in the billion of galaxies.  And that is just the tip of the iceberg.  Many scriptural misinterpretations happen when the Bible is taken literally and without the context in which it was meant during the time it was written.  While there is most certainly a wealth of knowledge found in scripture, we can not ignore the book of nature that is laid out before our very eyes.  True followers of Christ would understand that the gist of the Bible is love and if you are closed off to your fellow human beings because of some misinterpreted text then you’ve completely missed the point of why God placed us here to begin with.  The joy of life is found in our differences.  In loving those who God places in our path regardless of skin color, nationality, social standing, dialect, or who they were born being.  Epistemic humility is understanding our finite knowledge as human beings.  I don’t think God intended any of us to ever claim we have arrived or have complete understanding of all things.  Otherwise he wouldn’t have made such an insanely complex universe.  I think that the day we are able to meet our creator we will all be in awe of all that we did NOT know.  We have only scratched the surface of understanding.  So, my takeaway from all of this is to stay humble, love others, be kind, realize that you will never know all things so don’t even pretend to have all the answers.  Take time to listen – I mean really listen – and empathize with others.  I guarantee you will find so many hidden blessings you never even realized were there had you been closed minded.  This is love. 

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