THE CROSS
To anyone else this is just your ordinary cross necklace, but to me this is a reminder of my Grandmother. My mom’s mom, Bettye was a gem of a woman who loved her family fiercely and had a special place in her heart for her grandchildren.
Years before she passed away in 2006, she had hers and my grandfather’s wedding bands melted down and made into a few of these crosses specifically for us grandkids.
It was a nice gesture at the time, but I did not fully appreciate it until after she was gone. I don’t really wear any chains or jewelry of any kind, but every time I would pull it out it was a reminder of her love and thoughtfulness.
About 10 years or so ago, the cross went missing. There was a lot of turmoil in my life at the time and after searching high and low I realized it was gone: lost in one of many moves and I had to come to terms with the fact that I would not see it again. I would occasionally search the house looking again but never was able to locate it.
Since then, I have bounced back from some pretty tough situations. However, the past few months I have dealt with issues on an unprecedented scale and to say it’s been a struggle is an understatement. My life has been turned upside down and I’m struggling to come to terms with how things are turning out. One of the things I picked up from my grandmother was her optimism and to keep in mind that there is always a way through anything life throws at you. But it’s been tough. This is pretty hopeless.
My oldest daughter, Julie was unable to come visit for Christmas but we decided that I would drive down in early January to see her. I didn’t really have any money for presents, but I really wanted to get her a record player. She had mentioned it earlier in the year and it’s something I know she would like. I found one and brought it home to wrap. I got down the wrapping paper and decided I’d add some ribbon and a bow (being extra lol). As I was digging through the box, inside one of the bags of ribbon I spotted something shiny. When I pulled it out, there was the cross! Mind you: countless holidays, birthdays, and events had passed over the years with me getting in this box. I’m certain I had even checked it when I was trying to find it. I firmly believe that I was meant to find this at such a time as this.
I was speechless and I just sat on the bed and cried for a bit. During one of the toughest seasons of my life, my grandma was reaching out to tell me she loves me and was sending me a hug in a way. I can’t convey what this simple thing meant. It’s only the second time since her passing that I truly felt her presence. I’ve tried to tell this story a couple times but I can’t even make it through the whole retelling.
Interestingly enough, she had these crosses made for us but she was not a church goer - however over time I’ve realized that she was more spiritually connected than most I’ve known. I think she was put off by the institutional church and understandably so. She didn’t have to sit in a pew because she lived out her faith regularly. As I’ve gotten older I empathize with her even more. I’ve been loved by the church and I’ve been equally burned by the church (institutionally speaking). Biblically, we are each the church and how we treat others in the world around us speaks volumes about the state of our hearts. There are some wonderful gems of people in and outside of the church and then there are some ugly hearts glaring self-righteously from their pew who think that their commandment keeping has earned them some heavenly VIP status. But this wasn’t meant to be a sermon, so I digress.
Thank you mema (as she was called) for loving me even when you aren’t around physically. I hope that I might make at least half as much positive impact on the world around me as you did during your lifetime. You were one of the good ones we lost way too soon. Love you and when I hold this cross I will be giving you a hug back.
